Feb 14 2009
My Life as a True Believing Mormon
Because this is such a long story, I have broken it up into multiple posts. This is part one of my exit story from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Once upon a time, I was born into a very devout Mormon family. Example: My mother believed so strongly that you should “keep the Sabbath Day holy” that she used to leave all of the dishes in the kitchen sink on Sunday, and not wash ‘em until Monday. Eventually, she got sick of washing tons of dishes on Monday, and started doing dishes on Sunday again, but it took her a while to give in.
Truly, my parents did it all - Family Home Evenings, temple visits, a full tithe, lots of callings in the Church, early morning scripture study (although that didn’t last but a year or so - it’s hard to get five children up early in the morning!), church every Sunday (even when we were camping or visiting out of state, we still went to church)…on and on and on.
I was one of those who Believed. As a child (still in Primary) I would get up most Fast Sundays and bare my testimony. I would cry and everything. It used to embarrass my sister, and one time she pulled me aside and asked me to please stop bearing my testimony.
But I couldn’t, because I Believed.
I used to study the Book of Mormon like it truly was the most important book ever written; that it really did contain all of the truthfulness of the gospel, and then some. In Primary, they had reading contests to see if you could read certain parts of the Book of Mormon every week, and I remember being one of the youngest people to win each week (I was a voracious reader even back then).
You’d think the fervor would die down when I hit my teenage years because it wasn’t “popular” to be so open about your testimony, but I still Believed. And I still bore my testimony. I have always been an outgoing person, and so I would jump up in front of a group of people and talk my heart out. I’m sure there were people who just wished devoutly that I’d shut up, but I didn’t. I Believed.
When I graduated from high school, I went off to a church college for a year, where I got engaged, like every good Mormon girl does. I also broke off the engagement (which I don’t think is quite as highly looked upon by the LDS Church, btw) because there were some serious problems with the relationship. The year wasn’t a total waste though: My devout Mormon roommate spent a Saturday telling me about BYU-Jerusalem.
Enthralled with the idea, I was working on the application to attend within just a couple of hours of first hearing about the school. (Have I mentioned I’m also impulsive?) Defying the odds, I got in on the first try, and attended BYU-Jerusalem that fall. I spent the semester traveling around Israel, Jordan, and Egypt, and gained an even stronger testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. I Believed.
I came back and after working for a while, I went down to Utah to work for a year so I could gain my residency and start attending college down there. But I met my future husband (DJ) instead, and abandoned all ideas of getting an education, and instead wanted to settle down into a great married life.
We went through the temple together for the first time (Deej did not go on a mission, and so had not taken out his endowments previously) and then several weeks later, we got married in an Idaho temple just as a good little Mormon couple would do. I was devout. I had a testimony. Heck, you might even say: I Believed.
We moved up to Idaho and both started working. We bought a house. I got callings in the church, as did my husband. We were faithful members of the ward. I eventually got called as the Primary President of my ward, a calling I served in for two years. After being released from there, I was kept in the Primary, this time down in the Nursery. I was as dedicated to the Church as they came - I Believed. In the meanwhile, DJ served in the Elder’s Quorum Presidency and taught classes in Primary.
We eventually moved because my husband’s job ended. It was at our new home that the house of cards started to crumble.
Tomorrow, I’ll outline the beginning of the end for me - what made me first start to question the veracity of the foundation of my life and everything I had ever been taught and believed in. Thoughts? Comments? Leave them below.
