Feb 26 2009
The Word of Wisdom in a Post-Mormon World
While I’m waiting around for more people to submit their stories to me *cough* HINT! *cough* I thought I’d write up my thoughts on the Word of Wisdom, and what’s happened with me since I’ve left the LDS Church.
The very first day that I took off my garments and told my husband I didn’t believe in God or the Church anymore, we went out to eat to celebrate. (NOTE: This is not the normal reaction from a spouse when you tell them that everything the two of you have ever believed in is a lie. I just happen to be extremely lucky. :-D) As I’ve already said, I tried coffee with my meal that evening, and it tasted like wet dirt. With cream and sugar in it, it tasted like sweet, wet dirt.
Undeterred, I have tried it multiples times since, thinking that THIS time, I’d like it. I’ve tried the plain coffees and I’ve tried fancy coffees (I would tell you the names of them, but I can’t remember so I won’t even try) but even when the coffee was supposedly flavored to taste like Milky Way candy bars, it still tasted like slightly chocolately wet dirt.
I’m just not seeing the draw here.
Then I moved on to tea. Surely tea would taste good, right? But unfortunately, that’s stuff so weak, it’s like trying to drink watered down water mixed with a little unidentifiable somethings. I like my flavoring strong - when I make hot chocolate, I use twice the mix that normal people do. One 8 packet for 8 oz of water? You’ve got to be kidding. Let’s try two packets with 6 oz of water - now we’re talking!
So no, no tea for me.
I was telling a friend this, and she suggested chai tea. I thought, “Tea, chai tea…What’s the difference?” But, I figured I might as well give it a shot and see what happens.
Oh. My. God. I am in LOVE with chai tea. I found this brand called Oregon Chai that I absolutely adore. Oh yeah…When I mix up a cup of that, it’s what I imagined coffee would be all those years: Sweet, strong, warm, and absolutely yummy. If you ever want to try out chai tea, for the Original kind and try that first, mixed with a little milk. A little piece of heaven right there in your mug.
Then there’s of course the biggie: Alcohol. When I was a teenager, I always felt virtuous that I wasn’t drinking. At EFY’s and those kinds of meetings, I was constantly hearing talks about how you shouldn’t drink and that I needed to resist the social pressure, blah blah blah.
Well you know what would have worked even better than that? Simply giving all of the kids in the group a sip of beer. One taste of that NASTY stuff, and they would never be tempted to break the Word of Wisdom again. Here’s my rundown of all of the different types of alcohol that Deej and I have tried since leaving the Mormon Church:
*Beer is this nasty yeasty crap that leaves an awful taste in your mouth. Yuck and double yuck.
*Rum tastes like rubbing alcohol. Ever opened a bottle of rubbing alcohol and breathed in the nasty fumes? Now imagine drinking that. Yeah….
*Wine and champagne taste like rotten fruit. Seriously. If you let grapes go so bad that they started growing mold, and then you ate the grapes, then you would know what wine tastes like. Champagne is the same. Why do people purposefully drink this stuff?!
The only beer that we’ve found that we like, is beer that doesn’t taste like beer. There’s a surprise. 
But we’ve found that Mike’s Hard Lemonade is great - it tastes just like a carbonated lemonade drink would taste. The lime version tastes just like 7-Up. We also tried Smirnoff and really like the Wild Grape flavor - it tastes like grape soda.
So why drink alcohol if it just tastes like sodas? Well because unlike sodas, these will give you somewhat of a buzz. I say somewhat because it is hard for me to drink enough to get even a small buzz going. The alcohol content on these is so low that I’d have to start drinking in the afternoon in order to by drunk by nightfall. Not going to happen.
The good news is, I am not drinking to get drunk. I have never been drunk and I don’t plan on getting drunk anytime soon. So what’s the point? After I’ve had a really hard day, I like to pop open a Smirnoff or Mike’s, put in a movie, and relax in the couch. It’s a good way to unwind. I only do it once a week (twice a week on a really crazy one) so I’m not exactly in danger of becoming an alcoholic anytime soon.
I haven’t tried cigarettes yet, and can’t honestly can’t imagine what would ever induce me to try one. I suppose if I was paid enough (like in the hundreds of thousands of dollars range) I would smoke one whole cigarette. But since I sincerely doubt anyone would be stupid enough to pay me that kind of money to watch me cough and choke my way through a whole cigarette, I think that’s more of an academic exercise than anything.
As a whole, I think cigarettes are nasty, expensive, cancer-inducing pieces of crap that literally no one I have ever talked to is happy about being addicted to. Have you ever met someone who said, “I’m so glad to be a smoker. It makes my life so much better”? Perhaps I’ve just been hanging around the wrong people, but I have yet to meet someone who felt that way. (I am not bashing people who smoke cigarettes. I’m just saying that for me, it’s not happening.)
My husband said the other day that he always thought cigars looked like kind of a cool, and smelled different (in a good way) but he didn’t know if he’d ever smoke one. I’m there with him - I think cigars are more “exotic” than cigarettes, so they have a mysterious appeal to them. Still doesn’t mean I’d actually want to smoke one (or be married to someone who smoked them).
So that’s been me and the post-Mormon Word of Wisdom world. Has anyone else left the Church and been disappointed by what they’ve since tried? I’d love to hear your thoughts below!
I also never developed the taste for alcohol, coffee or tea. I do drink Mountain Dew. I don’t drink any others.
Even “soda tasting” alcohol doesn’t work for me; the taste and smell are overwhelming and, since I’m innately silly so I can buzz myself
, I have no urge to. My husband is fond of several different alcoholic drinks in moderation (and neither of us would ever drive drunk).
Needless to say, drugs have no interest for me because, just because I’m not really a Mormon, it doesn’t mean my BRAIN doesn’t function. I don’t think any of these preferences have anything to do with my religion and personal beliefs.
As for smoking, ha ha, inhaling smoke…on purpose. Yeah, not really tempting (and cigar smoke smells HORRIBLE). Just sayin’.
Before I was even a member of the LDS Church, I had so many incentives to stay away from that stuff. That may be one reason I joined. I already had no intention of partaking of any of those things, so I just kind of fit right in.
Coffee? Smells wonderful. Tastes awful. I don’t know why I’d want to acquire a taste for something that isn’t even particularly good for me anyway. I have high blood pressure. I think it’s best to simply leave it alone.
Tea? I drank it as a kid. Now just the smell of it turns my stomach. So I’m not too interested in acquiring a taste for that again either. I’m also a hot-chocolate lover. Yummy! I think I’ll stick with that.
Cigarettes? Well, I had one uncle who died of emphysema, an aunt who died of a smoking-related stroke, and another aunt who had a smoking-related heart attack. Nope. Not interested. It’s disgusting anyway. And who would want to be one of those poor people, standing out in the cold, trying to get their smoke fix, because you can’t smoke anywhere indoors anymore?
Alcohol? Well, first of all, I’ve never tasted anything alcoholic that I liked. It’s sour. Yuck. But besides that, my brother is an alcoholic. We nearly lost him because of it a few years ago. He had gout a few times. His voice was slurred, even when he wasn’t drinking. He lost some feeling in his extremities. It was scary. Gratefully, he’s been sober since that time after going through detox. I’m praying it stays that way (yes I do still pray).
I also have several other families members who are alcoholics, including an aunt who died of liver failure because of it, when she was only about 40. My doctor said that with genes like those, it’s best that I just stay away from it. My sister is a never-mo and she doesn’t drink either, for that reason.
Even if I was never LDS, I think I’d have stayed away from those things anyway. I had too many incentives on why not to do them.
Hm…this is really interesting. I’ve never been Mormon, so maybe it’s because I tried some of this stuff earlier? I hate beer, it’s gross, and the harsher stuff is good (MAS TEQUILA!), but it takes getting used to, and it’ll get you drunk a lot quicker too. But, if you looking for something that tastes good, is stronger than beer, but not as strong as hard liquor, wine is the way to go. I’ve never smoked a cigarette, they smell way to gross, but I tried a cigar….also gross. The only thing I’ve ever enjoyed smoking was out of a hookah, no it wasn’t pot, it’s flavored tobacco, and it’s not as harsh as a cigarette or a cigar.
Coffee is delicious, you people are crazy! lol. I’m kidding, it’s not for everyone. Maybe you should try a Moo-latte from DQ? Thats as far away from coffee as you can get, with it still being coffee.
As far as caffeine goes, it doesn’t really have that much of an effect on me unless I drink gratuitous of it. Like energy drinks.
Here’s something fun + dangerous. The Vodka Red Bull! One shot of vodka in mixed w/ a can of red bull, and ice. They’re really good, but you gotta be careful w/ those, because the energy drink will trick into thinking your not that drunk, so people can get alcohol poisoning with those.
Anyway, I’m not really sure that comment had a point, I just felt like blabbing I guess.
Michelle, doesn’t the wine taste like rotten fruit to you? Perhaps my husband and I just haven’t tried high-quality wine yet. We are too cheap to buy a really expensive bottle of wine because we don’t want to spend the money if we hate what we taste. We need to go to a wine tasting event and try a bunch of different types of wine so we can know for sure if we really don’t like it, or if we’d like it if we tried the right type.
Hot buttered rum sounds good in theory, but then I remember again what the rum tastes like and I have a hard time getting excited about it.
Perhaps the butter and cloves would cover the taste, who knows…
Stephanie, I think that’s funny that you can still taste the alcohol even in flavored beer. I really can’t. I have drank quite a bit of it, but even from my first sip, I never could taste the alcohol. Have you ever tried Mike’s Hard Lemonade? We’ve tried other flavored beers, but the ones listed above tasted like soda (at least to me). We tried B&J’s and another brand, but nope, they tasted very strongly of beer. Yuck!
Rainfeather, I think when the missionaries found you, they probably thought, “Wow! A golden convert!” You were already living the teachings of the gospel - you just hadn’t been baptized yet!
If I hadn’t been Mormon, I know I would have tried alcohol a long time ago. I don’t think that my life would have been markedly better or worse if this had happened, but it would have been different. Oh well. You can’t go back in time and change anything, so might as well start living from here forward.
Chris, thanks for Red Bull idea. I’m not sure if I’m up for alcohol poisoning though, LOL!!!!
I haven’t completely given up on different types of alcohol - I still want to try tequilas and margaritas and expensive wine to see if I like that better. I think there is other alcohol I haven’t tried yet, but I can’t think of what it is off the top of my head. I’ll have to return and report what I figure out.
~Lyoness
LOL Yeah, but it still took 5 sets of missionaries and about a year and a half to get me into the water.
The next time I have a coffe at work I’ll have to have you try it. I’m like you I like double chocolate hot chocolate. I don’t like black coffee and I only like hot fancy coffee when it is cold out but even then I still sometimes get it blended which is really the way to go.
Great posting, Lyoness! LOL — “sweet, wet dirt” — I can relate.
I’ve grown to like coffee now, but it has to be pretty darn TAN and SWEET before it tastes good. If you want a real shocker, try espresso sometime. Tastes just like Kentucky mud, only worse.
I have had a few social drinking outings, and like you, I’m not going to become an alcoholic any time soon. In fact, my first really serious drinking experience happened in Japan many years ago, and suffice it to say, I’ll NEVER do THAT again!
I have to admit that I like a good margarita. I like them frozen with salt and a good tequila. (Bad tequila tastes like Texas mud, only worse…) A good margarita on a hot day is pretty good. But, I’ve found that tequila is a sneaky alcohol. I don’t seem to feel its affect until I am suddenly no longer able to feel ANYTHING… So, be careful with it.
I’ll take your advice about Chai tea — thanks!
Michelle, I am going to have to write this down. Captain Morgan + ginger ale makes delicious drink. I’ll have to tell the hubby and see if we would want to pick up some Captain Morgan the next time we’re out and about.
Becky, it sounds like we do have fairly similar tastes when it comes to drinks. I would love to have a taste of your coffee and see if I like it better. I’m sad because I’ve always wanted to drink coffee, and now that I get to, I think it’s nasty! LOL! That’s quite the let down, let me tell you…
Rick, I am so glad to hear that you did not join. The Mormon Church will take a lot out of you, and gosh darn it, some of that stuff you wanted to keep! lol. If you’re ever wavering again, just holler, and I’ll tell you some stuff that’ll blow your head off. Or just keep reading on here, and you’ll be inoculated against the Church for life!
Jim, I have thought about forcing myself to keep trying it until I like it, but I just don’t see why I would want to when chai tea is just so very yummy and delicious.
And I think I’ll stay away from the espresso, thankyouverymuch! LOL!
Margaritas are good, eh? I’ll have to add that to the list of things to try. I always thought they looked really cool and yummy and was sad as a TBM that I couldn’t drink them. The next time Deej and I go out to eat, I will have to order one. Thanks for the suggestion!
~Lyoness
I remember reading your comment about coffee in the post where you wrote it originally and smiling. I’m a coffee lover, but I practically cut my teeth on it. My grandmother used to pour her coffee on my cornflakes when I was little and we didn’t have much milk to go around. There’s an old story that the Pope - Clement, I think it was - was going to ban coffee as sinful, but decided that he couldn’t ban something without learning what was so terrible about it first. He took one sip and changed his mind, declaring that it would be a sin to let the infidels be the only ones to enjoy coffee - so he baptized it.
what is the private marriage ceremony that takes place in the temple? why is is so private? what do they do that no one else can be present for?
I like tea a lot, but it took me awhile to get used to it. My boyfriend is a tea fiend, so I had lots of chances. The kinds I liked when I first tried it are not the kinds I like now.
I tried coffee once; it was gross.
Alcohol is a mixed bag. Some wines are good, but generally I only like it in small quantities (i.e. half a glass for a whole evening). I like beer in certain moods, usually when I’m out with friends, but it took some getting used to. I’ve never had hard alcohol that was at all enjoyable.
Never tried smoking and I don’t plan to…
Laura, it’s actually rather boring. They kneel across from each other at an alter, and the officiator drones on and on. When they’re finished, they often go, “That’s it? Are you sure we’re married,” because it’s not very personal, they don’t get to say the usual sort of vows, and they wonder if they married each other, or the Church.
There’s all this stuff about giving their time and talents to the Church, and when they agree to everything, they basically just say, “Yes,” to the fact that they agree to it. It takes all of a couple of minutes.
The reason they want to marry in the temple is because it’s not meant to be “until death do you part,” but they’re sealed (married) for time and all eternity. They figure their vows transcend death and they will remain married forever.
But as for what goes on. Not much. It’s pretty dull. There’s no aisle to walk down. You kneel, promise to work a lot for the Church, be faithful to one another, agree to obey your husband, say, “Yes,” and it’s over.