Ex-Mormon Stories

Let me just say it upfront: I have a very short memory at times.  I will sign up for something or do something ages ago, and then only remember about it when it comes back to bite me in the butt.  Go me.

The latest example of this is Facebook and Digg.  I have an account on Facebook (like 95% of the rest of the world does,) and one of the features on Facebook is that you can link your favorite social bookmarking sites (like Digg) to your Facebook account so that your friends on Facebook can see what you’re digging on Digg, right?

Well, this works GREAT in theory, except for when you have a polarized life like I do.  I have the “ex-Mormon/not even a Christian” side of me, and then I have the “still Mormon/still pro-God” side of me.  If it were up to me, there would be no split.  Everyone who knows me or ever knew me in the past should know who I really am.  I don’t want to hide the fact that I left the LDS Church from anyone.  I am who I am - either accept me or get out of my life.

But said in a very nice way, of course.

The problem comes with the fact that my husband. Deej, isn’t nearly so open about this whole “left the Church” deal and for that reason, he still has not told his parents or one of his brothers. In fact, the only people on his side of the family who know are his older brother and his two sisters (and note: I was the one who told them, not him).  The entire rest of the extended family (nephews, uncles, aunts, etc) have no clue.

It gets really sticky when you consider the fact that my husband does not have a Facebook page, so his family all added me as a friend, as a way of keeping track of Deej and I.

I, of course, plain forgot that I had linked my Digg account and my Facebook account, and so I would Digg the articles that I think deserved to be dugg, and that was that.  Until today, when I had a friend write a note on Facebook asking me about an article that I dugg.

“What are you talking about?” I wondered.  I looked at my Facebook page, and sure enough, there was my Digg (my vote, if you will) towards that article.

Whoops.

There was nothing inherently wrong with the article (it simply stated that being pro-science wasn’t being anti-God, and that as long as you don’t try to mix science and God together, you’re in good shape) but the problem comes with the fact that a good little Mormon girl shouldn’t be approving of and helping promote such articles.  And my friend, who is born again Christian and who does know that I left the Church, was offended by my Digging of the article, despite her attempts to try not to show it.

When I saw that my Diggs show up on Facebook, I instantly realized that my problem goes much deeper than my born-again Christian friend seeing this.  My husband’s brother (the one who does not know about us leaving the Church) is active on Facebook. There’s a really good chance that he or his wife have been paying attention to my Diggs and whatever else over the past couple of months and have actually known the truth for a while (but just haven’t said anything?)

And even if they haven’t noticed before, there’s always the very good chance that they’re going to notice soon.

I told my husband what was happening, and pointed out that there were also other relatives of his on Facebook and pretty soon, this was all going to come crashing down on our heads.  Despite my best efforts, Deej would not agree to tell anyone else the truth.  I pushed as hard as I could, but he refused to budge, and I can’t tell his relatives without his permission.  They are his relatives, not mine, and therefore it is his call.

Compare, if you will:

I have told every single person in my family that I have left the Church, plus every single friend who is in any way close to me.

My husband told one coworker when it first happened.

Yes, I am a lot more upfront about things than he is, what was your first clue?

All of this just made me realize that although there are a lot of really great benefits to the internet, social bookmarking, and social networking, there is also a pretty good chance that you’re going to end up letting someone find out something about you that you normally never would have told them.

If you’re wondering what I’ve decided about my Diggs showing up on Facebook, the answer is I’m keeping it just the way it is.  I am who I am.  If Deej’s relatives have to find out the bad news the hard way, then that’s just what happens.

I told Deej this morning that when his relatives find out the truth through Facebook and it causes some pretty nasty blow-ups, then I am fully reserving the right to say, “I told you so.”  I told him that he absolutely should not be allowing his relatives to find out about his religious beliefs from Facebook, but that I cannot force him to do something he doesn’t want to, so in the end it’s up to him.

In the meanwhile, I’m going to continue Digging and leaving my religious status as “agnostic” and in general just lead my life the way it should be led - without fear of what other people think.

So dear readers, have you encountered this crossover between your usually separate lives?  How do you deal with it?  Do you try to keep your (non-Mormon) religious life separated from your Mormon friends and family?  Or do you let it all hang out?